and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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