Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I could fuck to npr.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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