just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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