i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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