you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
