you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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