On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
