but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
