Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
