so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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