Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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