True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
