How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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