I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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