When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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