youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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