I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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