i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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