you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
