A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
