my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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