she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
