Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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