I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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