you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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