he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
