i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i barfeds in our rink
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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