4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm so fucking centered right now
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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