So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
