yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Randomize
