she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
