At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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