broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
What a dumb baby whore.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
