We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
