I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
