Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
