I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
