I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dignity is for republicans.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
