i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
i believe in u and ur pee
Randomize
