I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
