I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
