Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
