Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
