I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
