Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
