She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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