I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
All the doctor said was why
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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