Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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