Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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