So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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