Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
